Forever Changed

Today I have been thinking about how I am feeling and I have realized that the recent events in our life have left us forever changed it is amazing to me the power of one event to change you. I know some of you would argue that it only changes you if you let but I feel as though this time I have no choice to change for my family for my Son. On one hand I am so sad because I feel this sense of deep lose and hurt but on the other hand that it has brought with it some realizations. Now I must put this behind me and us and move forward to the new leaving the old behind. The new is good but scary and brings a lot of change to my family. I am not sure how being at home all the time is going to be for me, I am trying to organize time away for myself doing things I love. One thing I really want to do is get dressed up and head out for drinks with some girlfriends and I would like to make a habit of that. I really do envy the women I know who get together regularly with their good friends and I want that I group of women to go out with and laugh and be care free. I feel sometimes as the stress of all that is and might be is a weight around my neck and I feel lost in it. I feel like my person is gone and not defined. I am trying very hard to navigate my way through all of this alone but it is tough and I can't really trust anyone to be at my side so I feel that I stand alone. My strength must come from within as that is all I have.