Family Pictures

Something I have avoided for the past few years hoping that eventually we would be able to photograph our completed family but that hasn't happened. I feel like we have been on hold waiting for this thing to happen. I was looking at a friends summer pictures thinking why can't we have that and I hate feeling this way, I hate the wanting, the incompleteness of it all. I know that we are meant to have one more child, it's just so frustrating. I should be content with what I have; we have a beautiful Son and I have a loving husband but still that person is missing. My Son says to me about yesterday that if he had a baby sister he wouldn't have to be grumpy. I hate that we all feel this way if my body had of continued to cooperate we would have been pregnant by now but once again it has let me down. So now I think I would just like to take it out of the equation in comes adoption. I really hope that things will move fairly quickly for us I pray with all my heart that the process will happen quickly for us. Those are just my thoughts today and I will carry as I always do with that fake smile on my face that says it's all ok when really it isn't.

I can't believe I am back!

I really thought we had moved on and wouldn't be back here again but I am. I am really unhappy that I am here again and that I have let this creep back into my life in such a big way. It really boils down to the fact that we are not done and we strongly believe that their is room for one more in our family plus our Son wants nothing more than to have a little sister. We hoped to do another DIUI (donor insemination) in June but that was not in the cards then we tried again in July but again it was not in the cards this time my body decided against cooperating. This has left us very disappointed and ready to move on. We have now officially started the process of adopting domestically through the government, we have our fist meeting with our Social Worker on September 23rd. We are excited to be working towards bringing our child home but at the same time I am feeling bitter. I am finding it hard again to be in the company of other Mom's with more than one child especially those who it came to so easily. I am also finding my self look at other people and compare their lives to mine and ask myself why is that I work so hard to be healthy enough to conceive and they well just don't seem to be. It's frustrating and it hurts. I know this is a path we must continue on until we meet that little person who is meant to join us but sometimes it is so hard to remain positive.

So Long!

This past weekend I had an opportunity to have coffee two ladies who have been by my side through all this via a web community that we belong to ivf.ca it was wonderful to sit with them and chat in person but I also realized something about my self in the process. I realized that I have moved on from there from the position of TTC and I have accepted my life and my little family of three. Although we still very much hope to adopt a child someday if it doesn't come to pass I am ok with that and at peace with where I am. So I think it is safe to say that life after fertility treatments has moved on and it is wonderful and fuller than I ever could have imagined! I will give you the link to my new blog I have started and I invite you all to follow me there and see how are lives progress and unfold. Eco Family Life

Taking the steps.

Well the New Year is upon us and with it bringing us much hope and excitement for all things that are in store for us this year. Last year was tough it brought us to our knees literally but God provided the people to pick us up and remind us that he is there and that we can carry on and get through any situation. I feel so much stronger for having been through all of that, I feel ready for what is next and the road that lies ahead of us. I am not scared to move on anymore I am excited and ready. I feel loved and supported beyond belief. I have the most amazing Son and am blessed with a wonderful, loving husband. This year will bring some big changes to our family and we excited to experience them.

I really wouldn't have believed a few months ago that I could be here today but I am and so very thankful to be. I pray everyday that we are one step closer to finding our child and to protect that child for us until we are ready to meet. Until then I focus on getting our lives and hearts ready for that beautiful little one to join us at last. Please know I realize that this is going to be a tough road and maybe a long road but I am ready and I am not afraid to wait anymore I believe that it is all happening as it should and you will be here with us soon.