I understand now.

Today I realize why I am not pregnant why that little spirit left me, there is no way that I could hope to manage to hold it together if I was pregnant for my family, my hormones would be too high. Not to say I am doing a great job right now but I must say that I do have support to get threw it. I am so thankful for the people who are in my life and who are sticking with me through all of this, I wouldn't be able to do it with out all of you and you know who you are. I remember thinking when I was young why me, why is life so hard but today I am realizing that it wasn't that hard back then compared to what I am facing and dealing with right now. I know it could be worse we could be facing some form of Cancer but this is still very difficult and to see my husband suffering and shutting down like he did last night is so scary for me, this is so not him. I wish that people could understand the difficult time that he is going through but I guess until you have been in his shoes and felt his pain it is hard to understand why he is behaving the way he is. I am grateful that I have people in my life to support me and try to help me to understand how he is feeling and why he is feeling that. I had a wonderful conversation this morning with my sister inlaw and she really had some great suggestions and reassured me that she is there for us will be there when and if we need her more. I know I mentioned a while ago about my faith being gone but I do believe that God is watching out for us right now and that he will find a way to protect us from the worst and to help us get through this very stressful time. I am scared for what will happen but I believe that we will get through it as a family.