Family Pictures

Something I have avoided for the past few years hoping that eventually we would be able to photograph our completed family but that hasn't happened. I feel like we have been on hold waiting for this thing to happen. I was looking at a friends summer pictures thinking why can't we have that and I hate feeling this way, I hate the wanting, the incompleteness of it all. I know that we are meant to have one more child, it's just so frustrating. I should be content with what I have; we have a beautiful Son and I have a loving husband but still that person is missing. My Son says to me about yesterday that if he had a baby sister he wouldn't have to be grumpy. I hate that we all feel this way if my body had of continued to cooperate we would have been pregnant by now but once again it has let me down. So now I think I would just like to take it out of the equation in comes adoption. I really hope that things will move fairly quickly for us I pray with all my heart that the process will happen quickly for us. Those are just my thoughts today and I will carry as I always do with that fake smile on my face that says it's all ok when really it isn't.

I can't believe I am back!

I really thought we had moved on and wouldn't be back here again but I am. I am really unhappy that I am here again and that I have let this creep back into my life in such a big way. It really boils down to the fact that we are not done and we strongly believe that their is room for one more in our family plus our Son wants nothing more than to have a little sister. We hoped to do another DIUI (donor insemination) in June but that was not in the cards then we tried again in July but again it was not in the cards this time my body decided against cooperating. This has left us very disappointed and ready to move on. We have now officially started the process of adopting domestically through the government, we have our fist meeting with our Social Worker on September 23rd. We are excited to be working towards bringing our child home but at the same time I am feeling bitter. I am finding it hard again to be in the company of other Mom's with more than one child especially those who it came to so easily. I am also finding my self look at other people and compare their lives to mine and ask myself why is that I work so hard to be healthy enough to conceive and they well just don't seem to be. It's frustrating and it hurts. I know this is a path we must continue on until we meet that little person who is meant to join us but sometimes it is so hard to remain positive.