Jumping off the bridge

I am still struggling lately with my emotions surrounding the miscarriage this past week has been a lot worse than it has been in a while. Lately I can't even talk about it when people ask when I am going to have another one and I try to tell them what has happened and the we have decided to stop well that just leads to me in tears. Then I get the everything happens for a reason and the it was God's plan saying and then more tears it's just not good. I don't regret my decision to stop but my heart is aching for that baby who should be growing inside me right now. The pain is feeling so fresh again like it has just happened and I don't really understand where it is coming from why is it back what has triggered it. I am doing my best to cope with it and try and work through it but it is tough. One thing I did manage to realize tonight that I am not ready to adopt right now my heart still needs to heal and then we can move on.

So this has been kind of a big week I gave notice on Peds, @ daycare and well my work at the Cancer Center will end at the end of August as always. It was very scary doing all of that and led to a few hours of panic on my part but I pulled through and I feel much better. Our life is undergoing so much change right now it's a little much but we are working through it. Although certain aspects of our life are changing I wish that I could see some movement or progress in journey to complete our family but I check the facebook group everyday and I see it growing so I guess that is progress it is putting the word out there which is what we need to do. I still believe in my heart that somewhere out there is the child that will complete our family and that we will find them one day.

The date for our move into our new house has been bumped up which is good it gives us more time to get moved out of this house. I have been working on my handbook for the daycare and once that is complete I will post the add on Kijiji and wait to fill the spots. I am looking forward to this new way of life for us and to be working for just myself and get out of the Health Region and all that goes with working in Health Care.

Well on that note I want to wish you all a very Happy Canada Day!