I think all this rain is really starting to get to me, that and maybe all the stress is catching up with me. Those of you who know me know that I am a planner and I am happy when I can see the plan falling into place and things working out. Well this waiting for an adoption to find us and happen is very hard for me to just sit back and wait and accept that is the way things have to happen. Today I realized that my heart still aches for that little baby we lost, by now I should have a little belly to rub but instead all that is left is screwed up hormones and stress and uncertainty. Don't get me wrong I don't regret our decision to stop trying but it still hurts a little when I see someone with their brand new baby and feel that emptiness inside me and know that I will never have that again. I know the saying that all things happen for a reason and I now know that little spirit told me it had to go and I let it go but why? Why did it have to leave us and why do have to go this way instead? I am feeling like I need a break, I need to find a way to release all this stress that I am under but for some reason it just seems to keep coming! Today was the bank telling me that our new mortgage might not go through because of an error on my letter of offer for my current position. In the end we worked it out but for an hour I thought I had lost my husband's families $5000 and that come August 1st we would have no where to live so I was just a little bit freaking out! I fell off the no shopping wagon this afternoon after that. I am going to share with you song that is dear to my heart. Far Away by Nickel Back I am not a huge fan but I tell the day of the miscarriage I was on my knees begging God for one last chance to save that pregnancy but he didn't he took it away instead and I really don't understand why?!? I guess I am not doing as well as I thought after ending treatments, God I hate that myself and other women have to go through this horrible experience that is Infertility and that some how government can recognize that women need to end a pregnancy but what about those of us that need that medical help to create the families that we deserve and are entitled to!!! Well as I am sitting with the tears streaming down my face all I want is something or someone to make it better but that won't happen my heart is broken and no one can fix that! I know in my heart that someday we will find that little child to complete our family and make my beautiful Son the big brother that he so badly wants to be and deserves to be!!! Until then I will find a way to hind my pain and get through each day for him! One last link for all of you our Facebook group I created in hopes of finding Birth Parents looking for an adoptive family. Please join and forward the link onto everyone you know in hopes of finding that little child to complete our family!