Well moving week is almost upon us and our flooding as finally stopped, we have walls again! I am off today to work one of my last two shifts on Peds and then I have 4 more weeks at the Cancer Center after which I will completely self employed. I am starting to feel a sense of relief about the situation, I have also filled my daycare spots as well with 3 wonderful kids from two wonderful families I am sure this is contributing to my sense of relief. My husband as his appt with the ortho surgeon on Monday so after that hopefully we will know a little more about what things look like for him. All and all things are settling down a little and once we move I hope that it will only get better.
As for me and my feelings surrounding our situation I am still having good days and bad days now I find that when I am talking to people about our decision to stop and to possibly only have Spencer should an adoption not work out, I find myself almost getting angry or bitter. When I see pregnant bellies I too feel some resentment then as well or a nursing Mama knowing that I won't get to do that again. I even thought for a few hours about doing one more cycle this fall just because I am going to have two months off and even while thinking that all I could think of was it won't work any way. I find that there is a lot of negative coming out of me surrounding our situation but I still don't want to change our decision I am just going through the emotions which I think is good to get it out. I recently picked up an issue of Time magazine and read this really good article on Only Children and it made me feel much better and not so alone in our decision. Time Article Although sometimes I don't feel like the choice was completely our own I feel like we had no other choice. As for my faith well our very friendly LDS boy who has been stopping by to visit us is unknowingly helping to restore that, he without question shows up to help my husband with the repairs on our basement and not once has he preached to him! He is such a good person and I truly hope that when Spencer is his age that he will be as good!
So as for our attempt at living on a budget we have completely fallen off the wagon or I should say me but I am going to work getting us back on next month. One thing I was finally able to do was to pay all the bills up to date so now we can start fresh and keep on top of them.
Life is strange it throws so much at you at a crazy pace that you think how can I keep and why does it keep coming but I truly do hope that we are entering into a calm period now and things will slow down.
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