So Confused

I am so confused right now about what to do. I had a break through the other week about my health I think part of what is causing my symptoms is that I am hanging on so tight to wanting another child! I let it get to me and I think that causes some of my issues. My husband and I talked last week and I just can't see my self carrying on this way for another 2-4 yrs it's too much and too hard on my body. I told him I thought it was time to let it go and learn to be a happy family of 3. Then this week my Son has been having issues in the afternoon and on weekends with being lonely and that makes me feel so guilty that I can't give him what he is needing. Also this week I have been interviewing for the daycare and I keep thinking about foster care and how I could fit in a foster child in our lives. My worry is though I will get too attached and they will leave and how will Spencer adjust and what sort of issues will they come with and can I handle that. But then I think about our house and our lives and I just think we have room for one more in our hearts and our lives. If adoption isn't going to work out then what about giving a child a home even for a short period of time and giving them the love and security that they need. I don't know why I can't put this journey to rest I am trying so hard but something is pulling at my heart and I can't seem to make it stop. I feel this connection and I can't seem to sever it, I want to move on, I  want to get healthy, I want our lives to feel complete but something is there that I can't make leave. What do I do? Do I listen to little voice or do I find a way to make it leave and if so how?